Hey buds!
Sorry for the late post today. I was able to be graced with my Nana’s presence this weekend! For anyone who knows me, knows I adore my Nana and she came to visit me at school. Here’s a quick pic of us from yesterday.
But this post isn’t about her lol! (maybe next time). I ran a poll on Twitter and asked around on Facebook to see what everyone wanted to read about first and although it was close, most people wanted to read about finding yourself after relationships.
I wasn’t trying to sway the votes but I’m too excited to write about this because this was the topic I was rooting for. I think this is something huge this generation needs to speak on so let’s start chatting.
Picking up my broken pieces has been something huge for me in these past few years. My only lasting relationship was in high school and the beginning of college that lasted for two years. I believe that this was the only time I have experienced real love and because of me falling head over heels, this unfortunately was also the time I lost who I was trying to give my all to my boyfriend at the time.
When we broke up I was embarrassed to show that I didn’t really know what to do with myself because I portrayed myself to be such an independent person and didn’t want anyone to know I lost who I was.
I went through many phases after that relationship… sadness, anger, and even a bit of bitterness. I tried dating other people to only be let down time and time again.
I thought for so long that I needed someone else to make me happy just because who doesn’t like having someone there giving you unconditional love? But I eventually realized that I would never be happy with anyone else until I could be happy with myself and love me for who I am.
The process has not been easy, and it still continues on today but I have found some key things that has allowed me to get to a place of being content.
- Allow yourself to hurt: It’s easy to try and move on and talk to other people, especially when you are in a vulnerable state. But this is only going to lead to more hurt in the long run. Let yourself grieve, hurt and let out all the pain you have from your past relationship. When you move on too quickly all you are doing is pushing down all those emotions (that you’ll eventually have to deal with) and carrying baggage into something new. I say all that to say, it’s a recipe for disaster.
- We all need somebody to lean on: Everyone likes to pretend like they can handle everything on their own, but the reality is you definitely can’t. You don’t have to call every friend or family member, but find the person you are most comfortable talking to and talk to them. Let them know how you feel, cry or at least journal to let out all those built up emotions. But I have found it has been most important for me to talk to GOD. He will never leave you or foresake you, and in this time where you are in such an emotional state and there’s no friends or family.. there is always God. Talk to Him. He’s always listening.
- Find what you love to do… or just do something: This is so important because it keeps you busy and allows you to pour your passion and the love you have into something that is going to help you advance! Sometimes when we are in relationships we get distracted from the things we want to do for ourselves, working overtime trying to get the relationship to work. Take this extra time to work on all the things you’ve wanted to do so you can grow into who you want to be. This can maybe even lead to you finding your person. Also, try to go out and get your mind off of things. This goes along with leaning on your friends, but if it’s just too soon to talk about things for you because you need to figure it out on your own first, just be active so you aren’t overthinking yourself into a worse state of mind. This is the time to put YOU first, as you should always be.
- Settle? Definitely not: The wait for the right person can get looonnnggg and boring, but you’ll feel a lot better about yourself waiting than talking to people that you know good and well you have no business talking to. Can I get an Amen?
The right man/woman will come into your life but you cannot block your blessings by adding these extra people into the equation that mean more harm than good. This will lead to you trying to make someone into who you want them to be, instead of who you know they are. You have to realize you can’t change anyone. If someone wants to change, they will do it on their own. Buuuuut, there is another side of this too…
5. Find What You like: Yeah so basically, if you’re single, mingle! I know, I know.. we’re all dating for marriage and want to find the perfect one, but we are still young! It’s no way you’ll know everything you like/don’t like or need and don’t need in a relationship by not getting to know people. It doesn’t always have to be super serious. Get to know people, build friendships and if it leads into something, then so be it. But you will only lead yourself into being stressed out if you think every person you encounter is the one. Be patient! It’s going to happen in time.
Although I’d rather be in a relationship just because I’m a hopeless romantic, I am so content and even borderline happy with being alone… But it’s only because of the five things that I mentioned that I was able to get to this point. Like I said before.. it is not an easy process, and it definitely won’t happen overnight. But enjoy every moment of it because you are getting preparred for better things every step of the way.
I’d love to hear what you think or if there was something this blog didn’t address that you are still wondering about, let me know! Thanks for reading.
Kayla Scott 